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仕事ができず 不安と焦り [社会]

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仕事も事情が有ってできないし
そのことで不安になり毎日焦りとの戦いです。

今は妻のみ働いていますが
私も障害を持っていますので
障害者年金を頂いております。

まだまだ子供が学生なので
お金がかかるのですがみんな



明るい顔.jpg



奨学金のお世話になって大学に行くようにしております。
一番下の子供は まだ中学2年生ですが。

30代中盤の時自分の人生が孤独だったことを
考えてみて子供は多いほうがいいだろうと思って
将来のことはあまり考えず4人作りました。


しかし子供が成長してくると仕事の事それに伴う不安
焦りで気が休まるのは寝ている時だけです。

仕事ができず 不安と焦りお金がないことが苦痛になってきてしまいます。
仕事ができない。(心身共に正常バイアスが掛かってしまっていて)
そのことで実収入がない。老後の不安、焦りの日々です。

仕事ができず 不安と焦り




スポンサーリンク









妻も理解のある人で私の持病のことをいつも気にかけていてくれます。
私もその持病が毎日不安です。

いつも死にたくなる衝動にかられます。
来世というものがあるのだから

生まれ変われば持病ともお別れできると思ってなんとか今を生きております。

付き合っている友達とかも全くいません。
夕方になると持病のことが嫌になって

焼酎を飲んで気を紛らわしています。
日によって体調が変わることもあるので

一喜一憂する毎日です。
去年は半日だけの仕事が有りわずかな収入ですがありました。
半年ほど働いたんですが最高で
月6万ぐらいにしかなりませんでした。

今年はありません。
ネットで稼ぎたいと思ってやってみますが

2ヶ月で数百円の世界です。サラリーマンが
やれたらいいのになとつくづく思います。

持病は一箇所ではありません。
4箇所あります。なかなか良くなりません。

考え方が問題だとも思いますが
昔からこんな思考の仕方しか持っていません。

こうしてる今でも持病が出て
精神が安定しないです。この状態で

これから先、ずっと死ぬまで持病と
付き合っていかなければならないのかと考えると

思考回路が止まってしまいます。

ただ母親のしつけがいいのか
子供はみんないい子です。

悪いことをする子はいません。
それだけでもありがたいです。

希望は子供だけです。
スキがあれば私もリベンジしたいと考えています。

今日は書きたい記事が書けたので
ありがたい一日でした。
感謝

誰もが幸福な人生を送れるようになることを祈ります。


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nice!(2)  コメント(62)  トラックバック(0) 
共通テーマ:日記・雑感

nice! 2

コメント 62

武井直子

「来世」なんてないですよ!
今、生きている命をだいじにしてくださいね!

世の中を夢いっぱいにしていきましょう!
お時間いただけたら公式サイト『平和党 武井直子』を読んでください◎

お子さんと、makimakiさん(?)、毎日をご無事に乗り切られますようお祈りします!
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